The bigger person

Over the past 7 years of our friendship there are many things that I wanted to say but didnt.  Things that I didnt want to say because Im not a mean person to my "best friend".  Things I thought would hurt your feelings.  So I didnt say them.  Since that email things have obviously been different.  You said some pretty mean things.  You say they were truthful, and maybe there was some truth to it.  I know I would never say the things you said to me to any kind of friend.  You tell me that you felt used.  So I stopped telling you things.  Why would I want to share any part of my life with someone for fear that they are going to say I used them?  The things you have done for me I appreciated.  You were able to help me in ways others couldnt.  But to throw that in my face now all the time is uncalled for.  Yes you did stuff for me.  Dont tell me I didnt appreciate it.  I really wish you wouldnt have done anything for me.  Then you wouldnt be able to say how much you did for me.  

You like to make comments on how Dylan is ADD or ADHD because of how he acts.  Ive talked to the doctor and the teachers.  No one is concerned about it but you.  But no matter what I say to you about it, he has it in your eyes.  Yeah Ive joked about it, but really that was because I didnt want to tell you to shut the hell up.  

You say how Cassidy controls me because she wont let me put her hair up, or because she wanted to wear a certain out fit one day.  Who cares if she wants her hair up?  Or if she wants to wear a skirt when its a little chilly?  Im not going to force her to let me put her hair up.  She will want it up one day.  If not oh well.  

It seems like nothing I do with my kids is "right" in your eyes.  Whether its the way they act, or how I discipline them you always have a comment.  Everything I do I feel you judge me and are just waiting to criticize me.  Just like when I was doing the 30 day shred.  You had lots of comments then.  Or when Lori got me Zumba.  Your comment was "is this going to be like the shred?"  Meaning "are you actually going to do it?"  I shouldnt have to prove anything to you.  If I do it then I do it, if not then its ok too.  Instead of encouraging me about any of it you say "prove me wrong".  No.  I wont prove you wrong.  Ill prove it to myself that I can do it.  

You have made plenty of comments about how Ryan and I are.  You like to tell me how miserable I am in my marriage.  Yeah for a little bit I really was.  No marriage is perfect.  I can at least look at my husband and know that I dont lie to him every day.  You are the one that had an affair, not me.  You look at Michael every day and lie to his face.  Dont tell me the mistakes Ive made in my marriage when you betrayed your husband. Dont tell me that its wrong how me and Ryan are, when every single day you live a lie.  I would never say anything to Michael though because thats not my place.  Im not going to ruin your marriage.  You can do that yourself.